


Maybe If I Close My Eyes

by donsboy



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Gen, Unrequited Love, partnership discord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 18:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21414484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: Discord crops up when Hutch asks Starsky a question.
Relationships: Ken Hutchinson & David Starsky
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Maybe If I Close My Eyes

“.....Hutch, listen, I've heard every word you've said, and I do understand where you're coming from, but this is all new to me, and I'm gonna need some time to think about this. Can you do that for me?”

“Do what, Starsk?”

“Give me the time I need to think about it.....”

“I suppose I have to if I'm going to get an answer.....” Hutch couldn't help but look dejected.

Starsky walked over to where Hutch was sitting and said; “I promise I won't leave ya hangin'.....” Hutch watched as Starsky walked out the door and headed down the stairs. Hutch locked the door and got ready for bed. Sleep did not come easy for him because he was thinking about Starsky. He hoped that he hadn't destroyed everything because Starsky meant the world to him. He knew he had to give Starsk time because it was the right thing to do. He hoped he would hear from him while they were on their days off. As he drifted off to sleep, he hoped everything would work out. Starsky sat on his couch in the dark thinking about what Hutch had suggested. He loved Hutch like a brother and always had. He hadn't been offended, in fact, he'd been flattered that Hutch wanted him. Truth be known, he'd thought about making it with Hutch a time or two, but that's all it ever was, a fleeting thought. He was truthful with Hutch when he said he'd never done anything like that before, and finding more questions than answers, Starsky gave up and went to bed.

The next morning found Starsky feeling pretty low. He was going to have to turn Hutch down because he wasn't comfortable with what Hutch was offering. He hated to have to do that to his best friend because he'd never denied Hutch anything until now. One of the most important things Starsky needed to stress when he talked to Hutch was that their friendship and partnership hadn't been affected at all. The other thing Starsky needed to tell Hutch was that he could talk to him anytime. He would not shut Hutch out because of this. Satisfied with his decisions, he reached for the phone to call Hutch.....

“Hutchinson....”

“Good morning....”

“Hi, Starsk....”

“Busy?”

“Not really... you?”

“No..... I was wondering if I could come by later this afternoon.....”

“You know you don't have to ask.....”

“Then I'll see you around 3 o'clock.....”

“That'll be fine....”

“Great.... I'll see you then.....”

Starsky hung up the phone and flopped back on the bed. This was going to be harder than he originally thought. He arrived at Hutch's place at the appointed time, nervous as all get out. He went up the stairs and entered the apartment like nothing was wrong.....

“Yo, Hutch, you here?”

“I'll be right there....”

Hutch came from the direction of the bedroom asking Starsy if he wanted a beer. He said he did, so Hutch brought two beers to the kitchen table and sat down. Starsky took a seat, and Hutch could tell something was bothering his partner.....

“What's on your mind, Starsk?”

“I've just been thinking about what you asked me about us......”

Hutch felt a cold finger of dread run down his spine.....

“And?”

“Hutch, we've known each other a long time, and I've never denied you anything, right?”

“I know that....”

“Well, that's what makes what I have to say that much harder. Hutch, I can't give you what you're asking of me. I've given it a lot of thought, and it's just not me. Please understand, and this is important, nothing's changed. Our friendship and the partnership have not been affected at all. I'm flattered that you want me, but it's just not going to happen.....”

Hutch sat there listening to what Starsky had to say. He'd stopped trying to hold back the tears that were overwhelming him. He didn't notice when Starsky came to stand in front of him.....

“Blintz, look up here at me, please?”

Hutch looked up and the look on his face coupled with the tears broke Starsky's heart. He felt even worse because he was the one that caused this......

“Hutch, I'm so sorry I hurt you.....''

“It's okay, Starsk, I understand. A person can't make themselves do something that goes against their nature.”

“Hutch, are you gonna be okay with this?”

“I really don't know, Starsk, but I guess I can try......”

Starsky said that maybe he should go, but he wanted Hutch to call him later that evening so he would know Hutch was okay. Hutch promised he would call, and Starsky pulled him into a hug, squeezing tight. He let him go and headed for the door, telling Hutch everything was gonna be alright. After Starsky left, Hutch went to the bathroom and washed his face. He went into his bedroom and lay down on the bed so he could think about what just happened. He knew he was taking a big chance asking Starsky about them being together, and he should have known that Starsky would turn him down. But he felt he had to try anyway. He loved Starsky so much in ways that went beyond friendship, and he didn't see anything wrong with trying to find a little happiness for himself. Then again, he'd never gotten the things he truly wanted.

After Starsky got home, he grabbed a beer and flopped down on the sofa. He'd thought about Hutch the whole way home, and was still thinking of him now. Guilt and sadness waged a war within him because of what happened earlier. He wished he could have found an easier way to turn Hutch down, but it wouldn't have mattered because Hutch would have ended up hurt anyway. That's what bothered Starsky so much. What made him feel even worse was the fact that he was the one who hurt his best friend. He was about to get another beer when the phone rang......

“Starsky....”

“It's me. I'm calling to let you know I'm okay. I gotta go now....”

Starsky heard the click in his ear and knew that Hutch had ended the call. This concerned Starsky because Hutch had very little to say, but Starsky knew if he were in Hutch's shoes, he probably wouldn't have much to say either. Starsky tried to put the matter out of his mind so he could get ready for bed. As he lay there waiting for sleep, he promised himself that he would find a way to get him and Hutch back on track. He knew that some things would change, but for the most part, everything else would stay the same, or so he hoped.

The next morning found Hutch depressed. He hadn't slept well the night before, and was feeling tired. The cloudy day fit his mood perfectly. He went to the kitchen to fix some tea, and something to eat. He picked at his food and drank his tea, all the while thinking about the day before. Starsky had made the statement that their friendship and the partnership hadn't changed. How could Starsky possibly think that? Hutch supposed that he would have to give Starsky a chance to prove what he said was true. Just thinking about Starsky hurt something awful, the wound still fresh and raw. He knew he was going to have to find a way to put a patch on it so he could maintain some sense of normalcy, especially around his partner.

While Hutch was trying to formulate his plan, Starsky was trying to envision what working with Hutch would be like in the aftermath the confession. He thought that if he didn't treat Hutch any differently, then everything would go back to normal. He'd already told him that things were okay, but the truth would be revealed in their interaction after they went back to work. Starsky wanted to call Hutch, but thought better of it because he really didn't think Hutch would be receptive to talking with him at the moment. He spent the rest of the day trying to think of ways he and Hutch could keep things together.

Hutch was up early the next morning to go running. When he got back, he had his protein shake, showered, and was getting dressed when Starsky showed up.....

“Yo, blintz, you up?”

“Yeah.... just finishing getting dressed.....” Hutch came out of the bedroom dressed and ready for the day.

“I stopped by to see if you wanted a ride this morning.....”

“I think I'll take my car, but thanks for the offer.....”

“You sure?”

“Yeah...”

“Okay, I'll see you at the station then.....”

Starsky left the apartment and climbed into the Torino. He pulled away from the curb and headed for his favorite donut shop. He was thinking about Hutch wanting to take his own car to work.  
Maybe Hutch had something to do after shift, or maybe Hutch wanted some space. These thoughts kept swirling around in Starsky's head as he made his way to Parker Center. When Starsky got to the squad room, Hutch was already typing reports and going through case files.....

“What's going on?”

“We got a couple of leads on the jewelry store case, and I'm trying to see if the guys that were named were associated with the other jewelry store case we worked......”

“Who got named?”

“Charlie Walker and James Patterson.....”

“Give me some of those files.....”

The guys worked on the files until lunch time. Starsky asked if Hutch wanted to go to Huggy's for a burger. Hutch declined the invitation and said that he was going to keep going over the files to see if he could find something he missed. Starsky asked if Hutch wanted to bring him some food back, but Hutch said he would get something later. Starsky went to Huggy's and Huggy asked where Blondie was.....

“He's back at the station going through some files.....”

“Everything okay, Curly?”

“Not really, Hug..... Hutch and I have hit a rough patch and he's taking it hard.....”

“If you don't mind me asking, what happened?”

“Hug, you can't say a word, not even to Hutch.....”

“I dig....”

“Hutch came on to me late last week, and I had to turn him down. He's taking it really hard, and I don't know what to do to prove to him that even though I told him no, our friendship nor our partnership has changed. It's like he doesn't believe me.....”

“I hate to say it, but Blondie might not believe you. Maybe he just needs some time to deal with this. I wondered when he was going to say something.....”

“You mean you knew???”

“I had a feeling..... I could tell by the way he watched you when you weren't looking.......”

“What am I gonna do, Hug?”

“Starsk, my man, this may be something that has to play out to its' conclusion.....”

“What does that mean?”

“Leave it alone and see what happens.”

Starsky noticed the time and said he had to get back to the station. He thanked Hug, paid for his beer, and headed back to Parker Center. When he arrived at the station, he found that Hutch was gone and that he had left a note on Starsky's desk that read: Starsk, have gone to see if I can reach Charlie Walker. Back soon... Hutch   
Starsky thought Hutch should have waited for him to go along just in case something went wrong. He waited for Hutch to get back, and when he did, he had Charlie Walker handcuffed. Hutch got him down to central booking, and let them take it from there. When he got back to the squad room, Starsky congratulated him on the arrest, and told him that he wanted to take him out to dinner to celebrate. Hutch said that he appreciated the idea, but he just wanted to spend a quiet evening at home. That hurt Starsky's feelings, but he didn't let it show. Before they left for the day, Starsky asked if Hutch was sure that he wanted to spend the evening alone. Hutch told his partner that was exactly what he wanted. Starsky could tell by Hutch's tone that he was getting a bit irritated, so he left the whole thing alone and bid Hutch a good night.

Things went along in the same vein for at least a month. Starsky would try to get Hutch to socialize outside of work, but to no avail. They only saw each other at work, and that was not the place to have a private discussion. Starsky decided that he'd had enough of Hutch's behavior, and was going to try and find a way to get him to open up. That afternoon, Starsky asked Hutch if he could come by his apartment after work because he needed to talk to him. Hutch thought about it for a moment, then told Starsky he would be there. Starsky was surprised Hutch agreed to come over. He cut out a bit early so he could go to the store and get some beer and some steaks for he and Hutch for dinner.

When Hutch arrived at Starsky's place, he could smell the steaks cooking. He knocked on the door and Starsky let him in. The two men sat at the kitchen table drinking their beer and talking of inconsequential things when Starsky decided to get down to brass tacks.......

“Hutch, I asked you over here tonight because I'm concerned.....”

“Concerned about what, Starsky?”

“About you and how you've been acting...... what's going on?”

“Nothing's going on.....”

“Pardon me if I don't believe you.......”

“Are you calling me a liar???”

“I think you're lying about nothing going on with you...... Hutch, you know you can talk to me, don't you?”

“I thought I could, but the last time I really talked to you.....”

“Hutch, buddy, I thought we had put all of that behind us and were moving forward.....”

“I hoped we were, too, Starsk, but I can't seem to bounce back from this.....”

“What do you mean?”

“I keep to myself as much as I can because it hurts too much to be around you all the time.....”

“Hutch, wanting to be with me is a fascination that you will soon forget, just be reasonable, act you age, and face up to the fact it's not gonna happen.....”

“Trust me, I realize that..... I just don't know how to turn how I feel off......”

“Looks like you'll have to find a way......”

“Hey, I know what might work!”

“What's that, Hutch?”

“Maybe if I close my eyes, it will go away!” Hutch turned and left the apartment.....

THE END


End file.
